I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
