i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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