Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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