i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
