I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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