so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
