so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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