I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize