The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
