I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
