New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
