i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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