I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
