I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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