i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
