OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
