just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
