dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
