Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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