I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
