Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize