I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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