dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
