well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Shame - the story of my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
