That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
