he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
