Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
