Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
