my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
