Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So drunk its hurt
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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