I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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