the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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