And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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