Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
