he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
