I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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