Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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