woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My balls are so social today.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
