So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
