Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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