The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
