You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
