Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
And then he peed in my hair
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