I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
