i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
