I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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