I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
