I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
