dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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