All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
