I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
