Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
