I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
