I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
