ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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