she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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