Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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