I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize