My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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