He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
