White coat. Heels.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
