I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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