My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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