Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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