she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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