my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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