Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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