I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize