Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
