I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
