She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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