Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
